This divorce has brought out the absolute worst in me. I need to get my act together and be the kind of woman I can be proud of. The kind of woman my kids could be proud of.
When I am hurt, my first instinct is to hurt the people who hurt me. I don't know why I do this. Between that and building up walls I am a very unpleasant person..to say the least. The walls I am building up around my heart allow for nothing to get in. Inside the walls is a broken, damaged, and beat up. It feels like it is barley beating. That's why I have to protect it. I have to hold on to the faint beat and the little bit of life that still comes from it.
I'm bitter, angry, and a skeptic. I am hurt by not on the STBEH but by people who I thought were my family for 8 years. How can you go from "caring" about someone for so long to all of a sudden nothing. I was by no way a perfect wife but come on folks..it was HIM had the problem with anger. It was HIM who decided to put his hands on me one to many times (yeah, I finally said it...and you know what it feels GOOD to get that out in the open) A phone call in the past 8 weeks would have been nice. You know, make sure Im ok, the kids are ok. Let me know that you are sorry for what has happened and your here if WE need you.
Wow, that feels great. Unfortunately that probably wont happen. I have taken everyone who has been unsupportave and has talked bad about me off my FB and will continue to do so. Life right now is about me and my boys. That is my focus. I will continue to do so and protect my broken heart.
Ok, whew. Glad to get that out in the open.
Now I can go on to acting like the lady I know I am and make my boys proud of their mamma!
You are an absolutely amazing woman Amy..I knew that from the first time I met you..I read all your blogs and always keep up with you and your boys(so handsome by the way)..and everytime, I'm amazed by you. You are so strong! This makes me so sad..but I know you will come out of this..happy!
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ReplyDeleteLove you BF, praying for you always! Be the women God has created you to be, one your sons will respect and be proud of :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteHey there beautiful! You have to grieve the loss of your marriage and everyone grieves differently. I am praying for you as you continue to find the new "normal" for your life and for your boys. God has great things in store - keep growing and keep trusting!
ReplyDeleteDearest, no marriage, friendship, relationship of any kind that ends does so because of just one person. It's fantastic that you have the maturity to know you weren't perfect, but that is where he (as well as my ex) lack. And wow.....to know that he got physical with you? *shakes head*
ReplyDeleteNot a single mistake that you might have made would have EVER made you deserving of that anymore than I deserved for my ex to go around being a man-whore on me behind my back.
You are graceful and beautiful. Your entries are poignant and honest and you shine with a light that will not be over-looked by those who truly care for you. And any who ignores it? They don't appreciate you or deserve you and YOU deserve to be appreciated and loved. Who cares if you make mistakes? Everyone does, and the purpose of mistakes is so that we may learn from them and do better next time, which I have no doubts that you do. ^_~
Felicia